As is common for me to do, I am up late at 2 AM, reading BGLH and looking at hair tutorials. For some reason tonight, I had the urge to start looking at old pictures I saved on my computer. After a couple of minutes down memory lane, up popped images of my short, stringy hair from years past. While smiling and recalling how many different looks I've had over my short 21 years, I also noticed the date of the pictures of my short hair cut: November 9, 2009.
I hadn't realized that in only 5 short days, I would be at my 2-year anniversary of my impromptu '09 Big Chop.
I was 19. At the time, I had gone through a shaky breakup of a 2-year relationship, and I felt as though I needed a change, or, at least, to change something I had control over. I didn't feel like myself, and upon looking at my reflection in the mirror, I didn't like who I saw.
I took to the bathroom and, as if possessed, snatched up my mother's sewing scissors, and started chopping.
(picture date: 11/09/09)
Before slicing off all of my hair, I was the proud curator of a head full of curly, nappy, wild hot pink hair, and it went with my personality: loud, sweet, girly with a bit of a punk edge, a bit weird, but crazy, and fun.
(picture date: 4/24/09)
It was definitely not the healthiest head of hair, from being bleached, only to be dyed hot pink again and again, and then repeatedly hit with the hottest flat irons I could find.
(Picture date: 09/14/09)
(Picture date: 09/17/09)
I refused to put a relaxer in my hair after having one once (I believe I was 10 or 11), but I knew nothing of the natural hair community or about "being natural". I was just having fun dying my hair all sorts of colors (before settling on hot pink), flat ironing it to hell, and most often rocking my (unknown to me at the time) very damaged afro puff.
(Picture date: 09/12/09)
The day I cut my hair off is a bit of a blur. I remember my mom's look of shock on her face when she saw my new 'do. I remember how upset most of my family was that I cut off my hair, despite whatever reasons I had for it. I didn't like how I felt about myself, how that breakup had made me feel, and how the damaged mess of hair that I had reminded me of being a damaged mess of a teenager, and having memories that I wanted to keep buried in the past, or at least in the trashcan with the rest of my hair. I saw it as a kind of rebirth.
(Picture date: 09/19/09, my first real haircut, about 2 months before my impulsive BC)
(Picture date: 10/09/09)
With my new hair I felt different. I felt as though this boyish cut had given me a bit of a toughness that I had been lacking before. I felt stronger and I thought less and less about the breakup, and more about this cute androgyny that I didn't even know I had in me. (Picture date: 02/20/2010)
My hair at this point was 1/2 heat damaged, 1/2 new growth. Over time I would just keep snipping away at the stringy ends; anytime I would see a lock that wouldn't curl up like the rest, it would get chopped off. Unfortunately, I was still using flat irons set on a very high heat setting, and using little to no heat protection on my strands. It was like walking three steps forward and two steps back, over and over again.
After finding BGLHOnline, I stopped flat ironing my hair altogether, and kept chopping at those ugly, heat damaged ends until they were all gone. After learning the natural hair lingo, I finally had a word for my impulsive haircut that started it all: The Big Chop.
Honestly, I hadn't ever really thought about my BC in-depth, as I had always felt like what I did wasn't really a legitimate "Big Chop". All of these other women and young ladies I read about have all gone through the gauntlet of being relaxed for a good portion of their life, and the BC was them shedding the shackles of this torturous and costly procedure, or they had transitioned instead of BCing. I had never heard a story like mine before, so I thought that I would share it. I had only experienced the burn of a perm once, and, if my mom and my memory are to be believed, the perm didn't even take, because as soon as I felt that burning on my head, I ran to the kitchen and rinsed that garbage out. So, other than that one time (I believe I was 10 or 11), I have always been "natural", albeit a "dyed and fried" natural.
April 2010 and April 2011)
There are many different stories as to why some of our sisters have BC'd or transitioned into their natural hair, but I think the gist of all of those stories are the same: we're all looking for ourselves. Getting rid of our damaged tresses and getting in touch with our roots (literally) is helping us gain a different outlook upon ourselves, and conversely getting a new outlook on our world and how we as African American/Latina/Mixed Race women should carry ourselves in this world. Our desires for healthier hair are also causing us to examine how we take care of ourselves on the inside (mentally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually) as well.
Or, if you don't agree with my philosophical view, we could all just be doing this for vanity's sake, because we know these curls are super cute, and that's okay too.
I learned more than I could have ever dreamed of because of BGLH, the many other natural hair care forums, websites, and bloggers who have given their advice and personal hair journeys freely, and my only wish is to contribute my tale to the annals of nappy hair history, and I hope that my story helps and inspires someone out there like many of your stories have helped and inspired me.
I never realized it until now, but this journey helped me transition from adolescence to young adulthood, and I've only just begun to grow into the strong woman I will become for the rest of my life.
Overall, this has been a long, rough, frustrating, informative, and most importantly, cathartic journey, and I've only been on this path for 2 years now. It has not been easy, but it has been worth the struggle. I'm a lot more confident and happy with myself than I was when I first started this. I still have so much left to learn, about my hair, myself, and about those whom I meet along the way. I can't wait to see what new things I'll learn in the years to come, and I can't wait to see more and more women young and old take this journey alongside us, and discover the strength and beauty they have within themselves and within their roots.
Cheers,
KnottyKinky~
I hadn't realized that in only 5 short days, I would be at my 2-year anniversary of my impromptu '09 Big Chop.
I was 19. At the time, I had gone through a shaky breakup of a 2-year relationship, and I felt as though I needed a change, or, at least, to change something I had control over. I didn't feel like myself, and upon looking at my reflection in the mirror, I didn't like who I saw.
I took to the bathroom and, as if possessed, snatched up my mother's sewing scissors, and started chopping.
(picture date: 11/09/09)
Before slicing off all of my hair, I was the proud curator of a head full of curly, nappy, wild hot pink hair, and it went with my personality: loud, sweet, girly with a bit of a punk edge, a bit weird, but crazy, and fun.
(picture date: 4/24/09)
It was definitely not the healthiest head of hair, from being bleached, only to be dyed hot pink again and again, and then repeatedly hit with the hottest flat irons I could find.
(Picture date: 09/14/09)
(Picture date: 09/17/09)
I refused to put a relaxer in my hair after having one once (I believe I was 10 or 11), but I knew nothing of the natural hair community or about "being natural". I was just having fun dying my hair all sorts of colors (before settling on hot pink), flat ironing it to hell, and most often rocking my (unknown to me at the time) very damaged afro puff.
(Picture date: 09/12/09)
The day I cut my hair off is a bit of a blur. I remember my mom's look of shock on her face when she saw my new 'do. I remember how upset most of my family was that I cut off my hair, despite whatever reasons I had for it. I didn't like how I felt about myself, how that breakup had made me feel, and how the damaged mess of hair that I had reminded me of being a damaged mess of a teenager, and having memories that I wanted to keep buried in the past, or at least in the trashcan with the rest of my hair. I saw it as a kind of rebirth.
(Picture date: 09/19/09, my first real haircut, about 2 months before my impulsive BC)(Picture date: 10/09/09)With my new hair I felt different. I felt as though this boyish cut had given me a bit of a toughness that I had been lacking before. I felt stronger and I thought less and less about the breakup, and more about this cute androgyny that I didn't even know I had in me. (Picture date: 02/20/2010)
My hair at this point was 1/2 heat damaged, 1/2 new growth. Over time I would just keep snipping away at the stringy ends; anytime I would see a lock that wouldn't curl up like the rest, it would get chopped off. Unfortunately, I was still using flat irons set on a very high heat setting, and using little to no heat protection on my strands. It was like walking three steps forward and two steps back, over and over again.
After finding BGLHOnline, I stopped flat ironing my hair altogether, and kept chopping at those ugly, heat damaged ends until they were all gone. After learning the natural hair lingo, I finally had a word for my impulsive haircut that started it all: The Big Chop.
Honestly, I hadn't ever really thought about my BC in-depth, as I had always felt like what I did wasn't really a legitimate "Big Chop". All of these other women and young ladies I read about have all gone through the gauntlet of being relaxed for a good portion of their life, and the BC was them shedding the shackles of this torturous and costly procedure, or they had transitioned instead of BCing. I had never heard a story like mine before, so I thought that I would share it. I had only experienced the burn of a perm once, and, if my mom and my memory are to be believed, the perm didn't even take, because as soon as I felt that burning on my head, I ran to the kitchen and rinsed that garbage out. So, other than that one time (I believe I was 10 or 11), I have always been "natural", albeit a "dyed and fried" natural.
April 2010 and April 2011)
There are many different stories as to why some of our sisters have BC'd or transitioned into their natural hair, but I think the gist of all of those stories are the same: we're all looking for ourselves. Getting rid of our damaged tresses and getting in touch with our roots (literally) is helping us gain a different outlook upon ourselves, and conversely getting a new outlook on our world and how we as African American/Latina/Mixed Race women should carry ourselves in this world. Our desires for healthier hair are also causing us to examine how we take care of ourselves on the inside (mentally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually) as well.
Or, if you don't agree with my philosophical view, we could all just be doing this for vanity's sake, because we know these curls are super cute, and that's okay too.
I learned more than I could have ever dreamed of because of BGLH, the many other natural hair care forums, websites, and bloggers who have given their advice and personal hair journeys freely, and my only wish is to contribute my tale to the annals of nappy hair history, and I hope that my story helps and inspires someone out there like many of your stories have helped and inspired me.
I never realized it until now, but this journey helped me transition from adolescence to young adulthood, and I've only just begun to grow into the strong woman I will become for the rest of my life.Overall, this has been a long, rough, frustrating, informative, and most importantly, cathartic journey, and I've only been on this path for 2 years now. It has not been easy, but it has been worth the struggle. I'm a lot more confident and happy with myself than I was when I first started this. I still have so much left to learn, about my hair, myself, and about those whom I meet along the way. I can't wait to see what new things I'll learn in the years to come, and I can't wait to see more and more women young and old take this journey alongside us, and discover the strength and beauty they have within themselves and within their roots.
Cheers,
KnottyKinky~
